As soon as someone finds out I’m a stripper there’s always a list of burning questions I’m bombarded with (after their social media searches have turned up less booty pics and money shots than anticipated.) From the unoriginal “how much money do you make” to the demeaning “what’s the worst thing a guy has ever done to you,” here I will answer some of the most frequently asked questions I receive on the daily.
- “How much money do you make?”
Ahh every strippers favorite question. I could tell you how much I made my first year of stripping down to the dollar, but this is the Internet and the IRS is a bitch, so if you’re really that curious, shoot me a message. If I had traveled and danced in Detroit or Vegas or Atlanta then the number would be in the hundreds of thousands. I’ve made nowhere near that, so don’t worry yourself sick that I’m getting rich over here. Also, stop asking strippers this question.
- “What’s the most you’ve made in one night?”
Again, if I’d have danced in a city notorious for strip clubs and nightlife I’d be making buckoo bucks. The most I’ve ever made in one night is a sad $900.
- “What’s your favorite part of your job? Besides the money of course”
I get this question a lot from customers, as if they’re waiting for me to say “oh I love all the attention!” *bats eyelashes* But in reality I love the flexibility of my job. I can come in whenever I want, I can take weeks off at a time if I want, and most importantly go to Missouri to visit my family any time I want. I also love the plethora of people I meet at work. Tons of weirdos, tons of sweethearts and tons of hilarious customers.
- “Doesn’t it hurt walking around in 6 inch heels all night?”
Like hell. I crawled out of work for the first few months after I started dancing and have acquired lovely callouses on the last two toes on each foot. Am I killing all your stripper fantasies yet?
- “What does your boyfriend think of you dancing?”
I hate this question. It’s very condescending because it implies that what I do is wrong or should be considered as cheating. Like I’ve mentioned in a previous post, customers don’t receive the same person my boyfriend receives. He has all of me, he gets everything from the cuddling to the crying to the deepest most raw parts of me. I save the real me for him. You’d have to ask him to truly know how he feels but I know that he is supportive and wants me to do what makes me happy. We met at the first club I worked at so he’s never known me as not a stripper so I’m sure he’d feel much different if I had started dancing while we were dating. It takes a tremendous amount of love and trust on both our parts to make our relationship work but at the end of the day he knows I’m coming home to him and that’s all that matters. (Love you babe)
- “What do your parents think of you dancing?”
They are supportive as well. I’m very blessed to have an open minded mother and father who just want me to be happy. I remember the conversation I had with my mother after I quit my job and started working at a “bar.” “Is it a topless bar?” she inquired. Jesus, how does this woman know? Oh wait, because she’s a mom. “What if it is? Would you still love me?” I shook, waiting for a response. “I’ll always love you no matter what” she replied. “Use them while they’re perky!” I love that woman.
- “What’s the worst thing a guy has done to you at work?”
Not pay me, crumple up a dollar bill and throw it in my face, treat me like an object, call me a whore when I tell him no, just because he has the money doesn’t mean he makes the rules. Getting licked, pinched, bit, slapped on the ass and getting my hair pulled are also some of the things men and women do to me at work. Luckily this is a rare occurrence and usually only happens around last call or when I accidentally or purposely damage an already fragile male ego.
- “What’s the weirdest thing a guy has done at work?”
Once a customer came in and asked me for a lap dance and requested I put on fishnets for the dance. Easy enough. I happily obliged and we went back for the dance. I sat on his lap and he quickly asked me to sit back on the stool in front of him instead. Okay? He picked up my foot, cupping it like a microphone and began humming “nah nah nah nah, nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye.” He proceeded to sing into my foot until the end of the song, paid me $20 for my time, then left.
- “What do you do when you’re on your period?”
Cut the string halfway down the tampon, insert it and pray.
- “What do you do in your free time?”
Whatever I want. Sleep in, run errands, watch tv, go to the beach, go to lunch with friends, and recently I’ve picked up writing.
- “How do you do it? Isn’t it weird being naked in front of a room full of people?”
Not really. I feel more comfortable being naked than clothed. Clothes have always tugged and puckered in places on my short curvy frame making me uncomfortable and insecure my entire life. Being naked with strategically placed lingerie is much more flattering. It’s also very empowering commanding a room with just my presence. Unlike being at the mall, where I drown in doubt wondering why people are looking at me, at work I KNOW why they’re staring. It’s also built a confidence in me I didn’t know I had. If I can be naked in front of a crowd I can pretty much do anything.
- “What are you going to do after this?”
First of all let me tell you that I’ve worked with women well into their 40s. If you think I can’t strip my whole life then you have another thing coming. Personally I don’t want to dance forever. After I decide to retire from dancing I plan to return to massage therapy, possibly teach pole dance, become a mother and continue to write.